What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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