she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
