you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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