She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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