Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
