woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
