Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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