Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
