It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
