hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
