so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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