I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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