My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
