my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
