If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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