My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
