On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
