You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
