Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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