I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
