in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
