You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
