dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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