Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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