She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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