u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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