The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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