i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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