I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
