I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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