Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
