Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
