I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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