oh god the rape fog is back!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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