she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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