Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
