happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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