she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
