I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
