and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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