I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
