god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
