he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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