mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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