they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
babies were throwing up all over the place
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
