he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
