During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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