She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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