remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
