I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
