walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
