Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
