so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish life had little blips of pornography
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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