I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
