That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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