Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
