you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.