My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
