it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
