No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
