Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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