I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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