Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
