what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
