You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
