i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
